I’ve been re-reading and revising my book, and in doing edits and looking ahead to next steps, I’ve had to think and learn more about querying, tropes, hooks, pitches, and blurbs. I sent out some query letters, which is what you write to try to sell your book to a literary agent. Of course, at the time I thought my letter was perfect, but then I took a class on writing better query letters, and found that I should really have had a better “pitch” in the letters I sent. A good pitch, I was told, tells the story in one sentence (two at most) and is formulaic: When [inciting incident], Main Character must [goal], in order to [stakes]). The formula of this pitch shows whether the story works overall, along with the synopsis, but if your pitch doesn’t work, your synopsis may never even get read.

The pitch I sent to open my query letter was hooky, but not actually a great pitch if I evaluate it by the formula above: “For nine generations, the women of ESTATE NAME REDACTED HERE guarded its secret, mother to daughter — until there was no daughter left, and it fell to a son who does not know he is an heir. TITLE REDACTED HERE is a gothic ghost mystery: a love story with a mystery at its heart, and a family secret that outlives everyone who keeps it.“

So…. the stakes aren’t clear. The character’s agency is murky (does he just let things happen to him, or is he a character that drives the action?). I went to work to revise it. Main character, goal, stakes, inciting incident, the book in one sentence. This pitch drafting for a book is hard. And when I say that, I mean it’s really REALLY hard.

Revised pitch to follow formula: In 1701, Captain Kidd went to the gallows trusting his innocence to save him. When Kidd’s lost gold vanishes from the haunted estate Cam is restoring, the evidence points at him, and the only person who can prove his innocence is the woman he loves.

Or a longer version: A long-abandoned garden, buried pirate treasure, and family ghosts who haunt the grounds… In 1701, Captain Kidd went to the gallows trusting his innocence to save him. Three centuries later, when Kidd’s lost gold vanishes from the haunted estate Cam is restoring, the evidence points at him, and the only person who can prove his innocence is the woman he loves.

Or, a version trying to make the stakes stronger: When a fortune in pirate gold vanishes from the haunted estate he’s restoring and the evidence points at him, Cam must unmask the real thief in order to save his freedom, even as the truth leads to the woman he loves. This one I want you too forget, because it hints too much at a twist in the ending.

In summary, a pitch summarizes the entire book in one sentence, maybe two, and using the formula of inciting incident, goal, and stakes can highlight issues to take a look at in revising the book. Which, after working on this, means another round of revising for the draft I have now… but I’m thankful that the sequel to this book already has a pitch that does work, and an outline to guide me through writing the rest of it. I didn’t have that for this one.

Hooks are one-liners that grab your interest. Hooks are different from pitches. They don’t summarize the entire book, as pitches do. Examples of hooks:

• He was not brought here to solve REDACTED TITLE ESTATE NAME. He was brought here because ESTATE NAME remembers him.
• The painting he inherited was more than a family heirloom. It was an invitation to return to ESTATE NAME.
• He and his retired military dog left the war behind for the quiet work of restoring old gardens. But gardens can be as haunted as houses, and some wrongs keep surfacing until they’re righted.

Blurbs are the jacket copy or sales copy. They give you more of the story, but do not give away the ending. I have mine written for this book, and the sequel, to help me revise the story. An example blurb for my book would be (I worked on this as part of editing, and then drafted one for the books sequel to help me stay on track with the outline):

The painting he inherited was more than a family heirloom—it was an invitation to return to ESTATE NAME.

Still carrying the weight of their military service, Cam and his K-9 partner Tara, a retired military working dog, accept a job restoring the abandoned gardens of a once-grand early American estate. But when he arrives, he is stunned to discover the property in the painting his mother left him.

The garden is not what it seems. Workers uncover a skeleton. Buried with it: seventeenth-century gold and a locket holding a miniature portrait. Hedges whisper in the stillness. Fallen leaves rise up and dance where there is no breeze. Doors lock without explanation. And something steps out of the shadows, shovel in hand.

As Cam restores the haunted grounds, the estate’s past begins to stir beneath the soil. A family legacy of secrets and betrayals has passed down through generations like inheritance, and the dead have not forgotten.

The deeper he digs, the clearer the truth becomes:

He was not brought here to solve ESTATE NAME.

He was brought here because ESTATE NAME remembers him.

A gothic ghost mystery filled with buried treasure, haunting family secrets, slow-burn romance, and a legacy that refuses to rest in peace. Perfect for fans COMP AUTHORS HERE (leaving these out for now, more on this later).

I still have quite a bit of work ahead of me before the book is reader-ready. I’m heading into another round of revision soon. But hopefully, this gives you an idea of what the book is about and whether or not you would like to read it!